8.01.2008

To spank or not to spank?

I received a comment on my blog a few weeks ago from someone named "Cheryl". She doesn't have a blog that I know of and no email for me to reply to her. I have since deleted the comment, but it basically said that from reading my blog she can see how spoiled Lani is. That I need to start spanking her so that she doesn't keep acting like such a brat. There was a little more but I can't remember it all. I think the comment was left on the post where I wrote how well Lani did on the plane ride from Boston to Chicago.

ball fun

I deleted this comment only because I initially became angry that someone would call Lani a name and then tell me to hit her. Then I talked to Michael about it and when we started laughing because we realized that Lani is pretty darn spoiled and we are OKAY with that. Is she allowed to do what ever she wants? NO! We have a "time out" spot for Lani when she has a hard time getting control of her emotions. We sit her in the chair and Lani lets us know she's ready by saying "I all done cying". Then we get hugs, and talk about what happened to make her so upset. I want Lani to learn how to talk through her problems instead of just throwing the tantrums she is so famous for. So far this seems to be working because over the past month her tantrums have lessened. I have Lani with me pretty much every one of her waking hours. This is a huge part of her being "spoiled".

up in the air

I WONT spank her. I know that some parents use this form of discipline, but Michael and I choose not to. I was spanked as a child and I will never forget that fear when my Mom or Dad would smack the counter with the wooden spoon. I didn't listen to my parents because I respected them. I listened to them because I was frightened!! I really can't imagine Wesley or Lani doing something so bad that would make me want to hit them.

I know that Lani's behavior is age appropriate. I try to deal with it in an age appropriate manner. This works for us, but thanks for your advice anyway, Cheryl.

**I know that this could turn into a nasty debate, but that was not my intention! I just wanted to respond to an anonymous commenter. Please leave a comment, but lets keep it civil. Anyone who leaves a nasty comment will have it deleted immediately!**

12 people showing me love:

Erin August 01, 2008 12:29 PM  

I am speaking completely honestly here, I'm not just saying this to be nice....I have NEVER thought to myself "Gosh that little girl is spoiled!" or anything of the sort. I find that lady's comment so weird...I just don't understand where it came from?? Lani is the sweetest, cutest little thing, I just can't believe somebody called her a brat! :( I wouldn't call Lani spoiled...I think I'd call her loved :)

Oh and we don't spank either...it's just not for us :)

Mason and Terri's Mom August 01, 2008 2:01 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mason and Terri's Mom August 01, 2008 2:02 PM  

I think you should "SPANK THAT BRAT"!!!

NOW YOU KNOW I'm kidding.

Dear Ms. Ignorant,

It is my best knowledge that people should raise their children the best way THEY see fit! That being said, your opinion doesn't matter. I have a daughter the EXACT SAME AGE as Lani, I DO spank (occasionally, don't go calling D.S.S. ...YET) AND MY DAUGHTER SEEMS to have the EXACT same personality as Lani!

Wendy knows how I am with my daughter and has never once judged me. PERIOD.

Keep your close minded thoughts to yourself. You crappy comment can ride on someones mind for days or weeks until they feel the need to finally vent.

TRULY YOURS
(a spanking mom of 2 BRATs) Mason & Terris MEAN Mama!

Vent on girlfriend!!! :-)

Donna August 01, 2008 3:00 PM  

Everyone does stuff their own way, if you don't know someone personally you should not butt in.

My biggest help is that I am the best parents for MY kids, that is all, I am best for Merci and Ethan, NOT Lani and Wesley.

I agree, with Mason and Terri's mom, I span too,and my kids are still brats...LOL. I have a close friend who does not spank and her kids are better than mine.

AHHHHH.....people.

Melissa August 01, 2008 7:16 PM  

I agree with Erin's comment- where in the world did this woman get that Lani was spoiled??? I would have never thought that. As you know, I have most of the same problems with Katelyn that you do with Lani- and alot of it has to do with thier age right now. I am sooo sorry you had to read such a nasty comment from someone who chose to remain anonymous. How rude!

Sara August 01, 2008 9:16 PM  

I don't think your kids are spoiled. I really don't think that spanking or not has anything to do with kids being spoiled.

We did spank the girls when they were little, but then changed to time outs after a few spankings. I just didn't like hitting my little one. It's easier to put them in time out chairs and let them think about what they did.

I was spanked as a child and I don't really think that my parents knew any alternatives as I was brought up in the 60's and 70's.

A brat is a child that cannot be settled down. Doesn't seem that your kids are like that at all.

:)

Becca August 01, 2008 10:50 PM  

I was spanked as a kid with my mom's sorority paddle...not sure if you have ever seen one of those suckers are big and hard. It was never my mom, always my dad who did the punishing and it wasn't terrible, he never hit hard...just hard enough to make a point.

I have always said that I wouldn't spank my child/children, and I don't...but when necessary I do give her a firm little "tap" to know I mean business. Time out's don't work, putting her alone in her room doesn't either, but giving her the tap on either the back of the leg of her bottom lets her know that I'm not playing around. She seems to respond to that and even though she acts like she's being tortured, she knows she's not.

Lani is not spoiled...AT ALL. Hopefully that woman will post again and we can all have our say with her!

Sugar and Ice August 02, 2008 12:02 PM  

I read every one of your posts, and honestly, I have never gotten the impression that Lani is spoiled. She seems like a very normal kid for her age.

FlipFlop Mom August 02, 2008 10:04 PM  

It infuriates me to NO end when people think they know how to raise YOUR child... and what is best for YOUR child... more than not.. it's people with NO children.. so they have not a clue!

I have two children.. treated them the same.. and yet one is night the other day! Many people didn't understand my son when he was smaller.. they looked at him as if he were a brat with a mother who had no control... yet his sister was perfect as pudding!

Little did we know.. he ended up having ADHD... he was diagnosed when he was 10... I strived and worked so hard DAILY on behavior and attentiveness and getting tasks done.... I didn't want a diagnosis... but it came down to that...

Now .. he's going to be 13 in 16 days.. and he is so much calmer ( no meds.. thank you very much!).. and maturing some... but we all have our days...

It's nice not to have to be on the "look" out 24/7!! But I did it all without spanking... ( just as you.. I was spanked for no reason... and I refused to do it to my kids)...

Soooooooooooooo.. don't let the trolls bother you.. raise your kids the BEST way you know how!! You're a great mamma!!

~Mama Skates~ August 04, 2008 1:14 PM  

i've never thought lani sounds like a brat (since i've never actually met her)....what kid at that age doesn't throw tantrums?! that nosy lady needs to mind her own business - let u mother ur own children

SJ August 07, 2008 5:34 PM  

Well wasn't that very nice of Cheryl to pass judgement not only on you as a parent, but on your sweet, innocent child.

YOU are Lani's Mom - YOU parent her the way YOU want to. Simple as that.

Drea August 10, 2008 9:51 PM  

I think to many times spanking is done wrongly... and because of that people have the wrong views on it. I was spanked as a child as well as my husband.. and we are grateful for it because it kept us in line.

We do spank... but we understand that not all parents feel the need to.. and that is their choice.
For us though it is the right thing to do. I firmly believe in spare the rod spoil the child verse :-) but I also have seen many parents who discipline differently and their children are fine.

So I think its all about constancy.. and how you do things.

Whenever I spank my kids I let them tell me why they got a spanking. Taite obviously doesnt get spanked much yet.. he is still very young and couldnt verbally tell me why if I asked him.. but he does understand when he does wrong and immediately apologizes.

This morning with Caleb in sunday school I asked him to put his cup on the shelf.. that we could come get it after big church. He looked right at me and said "No, I want to keep it." The no alone was enough for me to spank him. but I gave him another chance and said "Caleb, NOW" and he again tried to weezel his way out of things.

I then took him to a back room , popped him and when then talked about what happened. He told me why he got spanked and understood it was because he didnt obey. After that he was fine , we hugged, kissed and went to church. He was a gem the rest of the morning.

I expect Caleb to obey out of understanding... not fear of a pop. I dont beat my child or try to make him fearful of me. I simply correct disobedience.
and so far it has worked beautifully for our family.

Not many 3 year olds can sit through 1 hr sermons without acting out.. Teaching your children and correcting them is what we believe works. He has an understanding that is greater than some teens we know.

As far as the commentor.. what a hateful and cowardly person. Dont let them get to you.

Lani is after all the only girl in the family.. even if you did spank her she'd be spoiled :-) SHES THE BABY AND GIRL.. thats how it always it.

*can you tell im the youngest and the girl in the family* heehee

Hang in there!

Who am I?

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I live in New Hampshire with my husband Michael and my two kiddos, Wesley(11) and Lani(5)! I own a home child care so I can be home with my children.I have a passion for creating scrapbooks and taking photos. I'm in the process of starting my very own photography business:} I love to spend time with my family, going on day trips and other adventures! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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